Jasmine

decisions. and hunting.

2011-01-08T10:33:23Z

I decided not long ago to stay in Windsor for a year to sort my life out.

So tonight I officially began the job hunt. I won't be free full-time until mid-April, when I defend my thesis, but I'm looking for part-time for now. I could live on part-time here with decent hours, so ending my term with a part-time position would be a relief. Even if it means near-hell during the semester. (I've had worse, I'm sure.)

Otherwise, I had to decide to let the viola go. The sheer impracticality of having zero time and eight instruments -- yeah. I can't afford it, financially or time-wise (I haven't touched some of my instruments in years). It saddens me, but I just can't be the person I was in high school who had time to songs and compose string quintets and write novella-length works and play four sets of instruments and etc. Reality time is now.

(I think I take for granted sometimes how much I did in high school. How much I still do now, with a lot less spare time.)

That said, I can focus on saving up for moving costs and the two big ticket items I've decided I want to work towards: a Macbook Pro and the Canon Rebel T2i. Looking a lot forward to both, as the battery life in the new Macbooks is outstanding and about doubles what I have, which would make my frequent long trips a lot less awful -- and I'm getting excited about photography, as I feel it's a visual mode of expression I understand a lot better than most, and that integrates (for me) extraordinarily well with writing.

Also, though lots of time commitment to photography = obvious improvements in my photography, it doesn't atrophy quite as horribly as my musical skills do when I don't have time to practice, nor is it dissatisfying to do if I only have a few minutes for it each day. In that way, it's nice. With writing as my current form of "work", having a creative medium to turn to that doesn't indirectly trigger more stress is lovely.

Things that seemed to need to break have broken and are being mended or set aside and now my life is a series of to-do lists being gathered up and prioritized. I hope to catch up with you soon, somewhere along the way. Once I've caught up with myself. Until then, I ought to go to bed, as tomorrow I will be working freelance, running errands, and trying out this thing called a date with my boyfriend.

Not to mention the list of tasks that come after tomorrow, that seem to stretch on indefinitely into the horizon until I finish this degree, and thus also my steady work contract, and thus also six years of my life.

I alternate between really looking forward to that day and being absolutely terrified of its arrival.

ETA: Goddamnit I'm too soft. I'm keeping the viola.

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vaguesauce is vague.

2011-01-07T23:01:07Z

I haven't been online much lately. For that I'm sorry, if I missed something in your lives. You're still awesome, and awesome to me.

It seems like I'm burning out and down and starting over again. That's hard, it's been hard. A few big life transitions going on at once and not a whole lot of certainty in anything. But sometimes that's okay. Provided the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train (of being homeless, broke, jobless, alone and depressed), I assume there's nowhere to go but forward. Sometimes I feel like I'm learning my lessons over and over but as repetitive as life is, I get to know myself better. I don't always like myself more for it. But I can try to and I can change.

Ultimately pragmatism suits me better than anything else. What I can do is be self-aware. Know my strengths. Know my faults. Know my limits. And do what I can.

For now, though, I need to know my limits, and rest. So tonight, I will try to do that. And to laugh.

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things I have gotten better at.

2010-12-29T06:44:19Z

Here are some things I have gotten better at in the last undetermined amount of time. I'm not perfect at them; I'm still learning. They've been long processes with long explanations, but I feel I've become better at being concise.

Maybe next year I will write a similar list, before 2012.

1. Socializing.
2. Giving (and accepting) relationship advice.
3. Having physical self-esteem.
4. Eliminating stress.
5. Sleeping more (less insomnia usually, yay!).
6. Spending time and money on myself.
7. Accepting (and appreciating) values different than my own.
8. Not avoiding things.
9. Diplomacy.
10. Taking life less seriously.

Those are the most important things that come to mind. I am hoping these will help me think of what I want to improve about myself by next year, so that I can resolve things that are useful.

What have you gotten better at, Internets?

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choices.

2010-11-15T12:52:45Z

At this point, I want to stay in Windsor, and applying to Brock is -- a bail-out plan in case I change my mind or I'm totally screwed for a job. Toronto is out for now because I love it here (yeah, I'm at a Starbucks in downtown Toronto right now), but with some thought -- I just don't picture myself going alone, at least not at this point in my life.

I don't really know what made me decide that. November, I guess.
I love Windsor a bit too much, too. But more on that another time.

So. Other than that. I'm 23 today.

I have no idea where life goes from here, but that's maybe okay. As long as I can make some art and love some people and experience some stuff I will probably be able to live with that.

Which I guess is whatever small wisdom this age has afforded me.

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so.

2010-10-16T21:35:41Z

It seems stupid to make a post just to say "Sorry I'm not around much lately, I'm bad at balancing my time and I've been spending a lot of it working on my real life relationships" but that's pretty much it.

That and I've been practicing my instruments a lot lately. Guitar and the newly rented viola, mostly. A friend told me she has an ensemble I can play a Christmas concert with, which would be pretty awesome.

And of course, having spent so much time on that stuff, I'm mightily behind on schoolwork. I imagine it'll be a hell of a winter. My advisor wants my thesis done in January.

Anyway. I'll catch up with you. Promise. And I hope you're all well.

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Meme Day 14 & 15: or, an exceptional Tuesday.

2010-09-28T21:53:30Z

Apparently my version of this meme, wherever I found it, is borked as it gave me the same thing twice where it should not have. So here is a redo of day 14. And day 15, before I go out and make cookies. Yes.

My day has been awesome so far. I have a ride to the airport on Friday and someone to hang out with. I fit into all of my old pants, INCLUDING my skinny jeans (granted some are still really tight, but they're put-on-able!). One of my dream jobs is a REAL JOB. I want to apply to it but really shouldn't right now, but that it exists is awesome. (Editing roleplaying books! And there are DENTAL BENEFITS EVEN.) Also I found a fall jacket in my stored clothes so I don't have to buy one.

Seriously go Tuesday. I mean okay, I have not done any work on my conference paper (er...yeah) but I am a) not the only one behind on that, we're grad students, for crying out loud and b) having a date tonight and looking forward to it so there. Also it rained today and I love rain.

( The Meme )

14: Your education

( Read more... )

15: Your dreams

1. Get married to someone fantastic that I love madly and get a charming little house with a cat. (No, really, I'm that bad.)
2. Write freelance, edit professionally. Ideally in an awesome field I'd be interested in (and D&D book editors actually make good money!).
3. Be in a band again.
4. Er, the rest is just a lot of little things, mostly having to do with being as involved in making and supporting art as possible. :) Also: CORSETS.

Can you tell today is exciting? It is. New Glee comes out tonight, too.

Happy Tuesday, everyone.

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Meme Day 01: Or, an introduction.

2010-09-14T07:23:58Z

( The Meme. )

Being new to Dreamwidth, now's as good a time as any. (LJ, I will repeat my life at you!)

So. I'm Jasmine, or Jazz. I don't know that I have a specific preference, only that certain people sound right saying one or the other, and if you can get away with calling me "Jazzy" you're probably either very cute or one of my parents.

I live in a southerly region of Canada with two boys I met in school and two girl-cats -- one stray who followed me in, and one kitten who came out of her.

I'm a twenty-something graduate student doing an impractical Creative Writing degree. I also work at a literary magazine and do freelance editing. I am a workaholic of sorts, so I usually take on more work/academic/life projects than I should at a time. When I'm not doing that, sometimes I write poems. And songs (with my guitars and keyboard). And cook for people. And take photographs, lately.

( A few more paragraphs. )

Also I'm absolutely typical in terms of my astrological chart, which I find hilarious and is probably why I like astrology. So I suppose if this doesn't give you a clear picture, you can look up my birthday and know exactly how I am. Ha.

That is all.

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